I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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