Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
