Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
