Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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