Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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