Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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