apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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