Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
