How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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