oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
