Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
