His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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