My girlfriend figured out who you are.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
