Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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