I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
