Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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