After last night, I could never be a politician.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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