Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
