i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
