just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
