I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
