Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
