Pappa wants mamma naked
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
