glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
