i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
