whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
