Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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