every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
