fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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