Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
