the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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