so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
