The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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