They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
