he thought i was a dude.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
