Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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