On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
