I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals