Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
