Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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