RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
