remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
