11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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