i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
