yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize