i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize