I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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