And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
