After last night, I could never be a politician.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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