is your mom at the bar?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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