weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
