Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
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We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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