to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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