You smell like a Billy Joel song
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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