why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
