One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And then he peed in my hair
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