i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
