I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
